Oh what tangled webs we weave....

Today is Sunday. Jamie has wonderful people from church who have volunteered to take him back and forth to church on Sunday's since Dan and I are starting a church plant in the city of St.Louis. In saying all that, when Dan and I arrived home today after church. I received a phone call from a friend of Jamie's stating she had heard some disturbing news from Jamie just a few minutes earlier on the phone and she just wanted to see if I knew anything about it. Jamie had told her that someone had left him a note and it had stated that he was no longer to see her because if he did there would be consequences from the community. She also said that Jamie had just told her about "said note" and that he had it in his bedroom. In turn, I assured her that I would be checking right into it and that until now I had not heard any such story. I knocked on Jamie's door and said for him to please come out to the living room as we needed to talk and please bring "the note!" After about 5 minutes- I went back to his bedroom door and said please bring "the note" you talked to your friend about and let's talk. He cracked his door and was looking around for a "note". After he huffed and searched his pockets and looked around his room. No note. We walked to the livingroom and I started the interagation. 

M: Where is this note?

J: I tore it up and put it in the dumpster behind the other buildings across the street.

M: Why?

J: I was upset by it.

M: Let's go find it- I need to see the note. 

We march ourselves to the dumpsters behind the condos across the street (see picture) 

J:I put it in the back of this one, but, it no longer exists.

M: Why does it no longer exist? Did it ever exist?

J: Yes, but I put it in here the other day after my walk.

M: What other day? Thursday when you went to Jackies?

J: Yes, that's when I found it on the porch out front. 

M: How did you not explain to Dan or I about this note and you just brought it up 3 days later? The dumpster is full- so you and I get to dig through this dumpster to find this note?!?!?

J: I don't think it's here. What if we don't find it? 

M: Ever? Or ? If we don't find it? Did it vaporize? Is it an invisible note? If this note is not here- we have no proof anyone is threatening you! Does the note have legs? 

J: I don't remember where it might be.

M: As in which of the 3 dumpsters? Do I have to climb into all 3? Jamie- if there is no note in these dumpsters- you need to tell me right now! 

J: I don't think it's here.

After this we went back inside to have another hour long conversation about the note and how he was going to talk to his pastor today incase another note "shows up" on what he should do about it. All the while the note is said to be typed, then handwritten, then it said his name, then it didn't.... 

Confabulation is a big word associated with TBI Tramatic Brain Injury. It means lying and believing that it's true. Anyone who knows Jamie- knows he is quite a story teller....and not in a good way. After an hour or so discussion and my restating we could go through the dumpster again. Jamie admitted he had lied. No note. Really? 

I called his friend and apologized for Jamie and asked her -in the future to please call me if a story seems untrue. 

Jamie no longer has use of a phone in his own room - he now has to use the kitchen phone- as he cant be trusted - behind closed doors- to tell the truth. 

Lesson is - in this house- if Jamie is near- you might smell smoldering pants. Please check with Dan or myself with all possible "miss statements" - I also say Jamie is working on his "truth vocabulary"! This may sound harsh and uncaring. I assure you it is neither of those things.  Anyone who knows Jamie - understands his difficultly with telling the truth. We are trying to teach him that his words have consequences. He has said "mis-statements" that can effect himself and others around him. Jamie's mind will not let him think beyond a 2 step process. So, we are working on his process to see the immediate response of his words and actions. It is my job to teach him that his thankfulness and joy in living everyday be his top priority. 

Honesty is the best policy, it shows you have respect for the other person.

Amen